Coaching Skills

www.coach-charles.com

This is me at Newport Bay, OR

Coach Charles in person

Charles & Myrna

Merry Christmas to all who read this blog. May you find in Him, all you ever need or want.

I went to my psychiatrist

I went to my psychiatrist


I went to my psychiatrist to be psychoanalyzed
To find out why I killed the cat and blacked my
husband’s eyes.
He laid me on a downy couch to see what he could find,
And here is what he dredged up from my subconscious
mind:
When I was one, my mommie hid my dolly in a trunk,
And so it follows naturally that I am always drunk.
When I was two, I saw my father kiss the maid one day,

And that is why I suffer now from kleptomania.
At three, I had the feeling of ambivalence toward my
brothers,
And so it follows naturally I poison all my lovers.
But I am happy; now I’ve learned the lesson this has
taught;
That everything I do that’s wrong is someone else’s
fault.

Anna Russell wrote this in the 1960’s:

The Dilemma (Copied)

The Dilemma

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To reach out for another is to risk involvement

To expose feelings is to risk rejection

To place your dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule

To love is to risk not being loved in return

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds
is to risk failure


But risks must be taken
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrows,
but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.

Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave -
he has forfeited his freedom.

Only a person who takes risks is FREE!

(Author Unknown)
Coaching at its Best
Coach Charles Powell — Coach@Coach-Charles.com

Anger!!!

ANGER!!!

I am recognizing my dark-side… ..my shadow self——

My anger reveals the depth of… ..my despair——
the extent of… ..my wound.

Hatred…malice…spite… ..are mine——
..building me into reality,
destroying my naiveté.

Waves crashing… ..turbid flows of acid,
the man,
the pain,
the loss
the gain.

It matters not…
..the sun…
..the moon…
..in foolish response
.. darkening heart,
mind,
and soul.

2/19/92
cwp

Death and Bitterness

Death follows hard after
the one who lives.
1/25/92
cwp

Bitterness is distilled….
……darkness,
purchased at the price
of personal peace.

2/17/92
cwp

A candle flickers
in the wind of life
inextinguishable,
except by time.

-CWP-

Crying in the eye of enigma———
Punished by
pervasive neglect!

-CWP-


Is the light the cause of the shadow
Or
the result?
Or does darkness cloud my mind
And
Dog my steps?

-CWP-

Can one gain insight
on a trip
in the dark
.. of the moon?

—Charles W. Powell

Does an inner light
encompass my heart
in desperate times?
….or---the shadow?

-Charles W. Powell

Depression

Passing down a road
in the light
of stars
that do not shine.

-Charles W. Powell

Fears

Be not afraid of your tears,
For you have the power to win.
Finding your answer within,
You are in charge of your fears.

Charles W. Powell, at the Quest Seminar, 1989
Newberg, OR

Gettiing what you want.

The Bridge Builder by William Allen Dromgoole

The Bridge Builder

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came at evening, cold and gray;
To a chasm, vast and deep and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed the twilight dim—
That sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned, when he had reached the other side,
He built a bridge to span the tide.

“Old man,” said a fellow pilgrim near,
“You are wasting strength building here,
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again will pass this way.
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide,
Why build up the bridge at the eventide?”

The builder lifted his old gray head.
“Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said.
“There followeth after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
The chasm that has been naught to me
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him.”

——William Allen Dromgoole

Coaching for you

Dear Friends,

I know that this is earlier than you might expect. I will be out of area this coming week, hardship duty in Hawaii. What's to lose?

If you know how to ask questions in a conversation you are ahead of those who merely tell what they know or think. However, if you ask some kinds of questions, you become an inquisitor. I've been there. In fact, I have done this in the last twenty-four hours. Yes, I do know how to ask good question, I just don't always do it. What's to say about questions? Well, one way to look at questions as to whether they are open or closed. Closed questions almost always can be answered with a "yes" or a "no," almost always without commitment. For example: "Did you have a good day today?" It only requires and expects a "yes" or "no" answer. We clearly use this kind of question for polite reason, for greetings and for pass timing. But for serious conversations with those we have a relationship with, they are normally unacceptable. A better question might be, "How do you feel about this?" Maybe a request would work to stimulate another to interact dialogically with us. Something like, "Please tell me what you think about this subject."

Love, Coach Charles

"I set as the goal the maximum capacity that people have -I settle
for no less. I make myself a relentless architect of the possibilities of
human beings." -Benjamin Zander

WOW NOTE: I coach business owners, professionals and individuals.
If you would like to sample a free month of coaching, let me know. It can
be done over the Internet. If you would like to know more about coaching,
please ask me about it.

Coach@coach-charles.com

Any time now...

Here is a little poem called “Now”

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation of dawn.
- -Kalidasa

Do you live in the past, with regrets and bitterness? Or, even to live with the happiest moment of your life, in the past. Perhaps you live in the future, always waiting for the arrival of your ship or your whatever. It is not that we don’t have memories, whether good or bad, or that we don’t have hopes and plans, but rather that we don’t take up residence in the past or the future. Today is the day of our life. To live there is wonderful compared to living in the past or the future. If today is not the happiest day of your life, when will it be. Today is the only day you have, use it wisely and rejoice in it.

The Three Month Health Club

This is the time of year that we decide to do something(s) that perhaps we have neglected. I belong to a health club. Each year at this season, lasting until the first of March, people crowd the place. Each of them has decided to get that weight off, get in shape or some other goal. By the end of March, most of these will be gone. They will have decided to not do it once in a while. The scene sets up like this. The first couple weeks of the year, they only miss once. Perhaps by the end of January, they have only skipped three times. However, the trend is set and by the end of February they are going once or twice a week. After all, things crowd in and sometimes you can’t do it. So, it goes. By March they have quit until next January 1. Elbert Hubbard at one time said, “It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide on what to do.” This applies to everything we do. Each day we make decisions. Each day we make choices that we will live with for a while, perhaps for the rest of our days. The way to create a healthy habit is to avoid making an exception.

Love, Coach Charles

One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider our problem, can change our whole outlook on the world. --- Dr. Elton Mayo

Listen carefully - get surprised

Dear Friends,

Recently in Gresham, Oregon a mall was constructed called Gresham Station. This is an outdoor mall, where each of the shops looks like a store by itself. Quite a nice effect, I think. In anycase, one of the stores was nearing completion. The inside had been finished, the carpeting done and it was ready to be occupied. One day a young man was observed listening carefully and intently to the wall from outside the Eddy Bauer Store. As he was acting somewhat strange many people were curious about what he was doing. He approached the manager and said, "There's a cat in the wall, I hear a cat." They went outside and listened by getting down on the sidewalk. Soon, they found a way to see the cat, but were unable to get it out. The manager called the construction people and they cut open the wall and freed the cat. One of the employees took the cat home. Can you guess what she named the cat? That's right, she named it Eddy.

Lesson: If we listen carefully, we may hear something no one else can hear and it might, just might help a great deal.

Love, Coach Charles

"I set as the goal the maximum capacity that people have -I settle for no less. I make myself a relentless architect of the possibilities of human beings." -Benjamin Zander

WOW NOTE: I coach business owners, professionals and individuals. If you would like to sample a free month of coaching, let me know. It can be done over the Internet. If you would like to know more about coaching, please ask me about it.
Coach@coach-charles.com

"NOW" about time

Sundry Bits and Pieces 1-3-99

Dear Frined,

Does it feel strange to be writing 1999? Sure it does for most of us. Wait until next year.

Here is a little poem called “Now”

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation of dawn.
- -Kalidasa

Do you live in the past, with regrets and bitterness? Or, even to live with the happiest moment of your life, in the past. Perhaps you live in the future, always waiting for the arrival of your ship or your whatever. It is not that we don’t have memories, whether good or bad, or that we don’t have hopes and plans, but rather that we don’t take up residence in the past or the future. Today is the day of our life. To live there is wonderful compared to living in the past or the future. If today is not the happiest day of your life, when will it be. Today is the only day you have, use it wisely and rejoice in it.

Love, Coach Charles
One friend, one person who is truly understanding,
who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider our problem,
can change our whole outlook on the world.
--- Dr. Elton Mayo

Sundry Bits and Pieces © by Charles Powell.

You may retransmit, print or distribute this cybercolumn to anyone as long as you include "Sundry Bits and Pieces"©, 1998 by Charles Powell, coach@coach-charles.com "

Listening Revisited

Sundry Bits and Pieces Listening Revisited November 11, 2002

Listening revisited, as if enough had been said. In thinking about listening and why we do it so poorly a couple of ideas occurred to me. First, if I am paying attention to how well I am listening, I am not listening and the whole exercise is about me. Secondly, if I am waiting for you to finish something and you don’t do it as quickly as I might like, I get impatient. Again, I am the subject of the exercise. In neither of these cases am I giving to you the attention you deserve and the respect you want. As far as that goes, I want you to listen to me with rapt attention because what I have to say is very important. However, for me to do that for you is hard. A third thought, and perhaps the most important, is that listening is the gift you give to me as I talk to myself in your presence. Listening is a gift. The gift of love is that which comes to you as appreciation for you and your affairs. A survey of some sort purposed to find out what people wanted most from their family and friends. The assumption was that “love” would top the list, but not so. The winner by a significant margin, was that what people really want is “appreciation.” Interestingly, if I appreciate you, you will interpret what I do as love. Neat huh? So folks, listen up.

Networking by a Master Connector

106 Tips to Become a Master Connector
By Donald Latumahina, June 6, 2007

To succeed, who you know is just as important as what you know. In fact, relationships should be your top priority. The book Never Eat Alone talks about how to apply the timeless principles of relationships in the 21st century. It contains a lot of practical tips on how you could thrive in today’s world through your relationships. It’s one of the best books I read recently.

To give you the only gems, I’ve summarized what I learn from the book into 106 tips. Put these tips into practice and you will be a master connector who live a successful and fulfilling life:

1. Make other people more successful Real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful. It is sharing your knowledge and resources, time and energy, friends and associates, and empathy and compassion in a continual effort to provide value to others, while coincidentally increasing your own.
   
2. Work hard to give more than you get It’s the value you bring that makes people want to connect with you. All this takes work. It means you have to think hard not only about yourself but also about other people.
   
3. Don’t keep score Don’t think of relationships as finite. In fact, it’s the exercising of equity that builds equity. There is no score to keep when abundance leads to even more abundance.
   
4. Remember that the key to success is generosity The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.
   
5. Find your mission in life Intersection of your talents and desires is your “blue flame”. Which activities excite you the most, where you don’t even notice the hours that pass?
   
6. Be specific about what you want The more specific you are about what you want to do, the easier it becomes to develop a strategy to accomplish it.
   
7. Make setting goals a habitSomething as simple as a clearly defined goal could distinguish you from all others. The kind of discipline that turns a dream into a mission, really just comes down to a process of setting goals.
   
8. Create a Relationship Action Plan There is a process involved in building a network. Your Relationship Action Plan consist of three sections:1. Your goals up to three years from now in three months increments. 2. Names of people that could help you reach each goal. 3. Strategies to reach the people you list in point 2. Once you have your plan, post it in a place where you will see it on regular basis.
   
9. Create a Personal “Board of Advisors” It helps to have enlightened counselors who will hold you accountable. They are your Personal “Board of Advisors”.
   
10. Build your network before you need it Reach out to others long before you need anything at all. The most important thing is to get to know those people as friends, not as potential customers.
    
11. Start connecting with the people you do knowAt the outset, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network.
    
12. Be boldBoldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Audacity was often the only thing that separated two equally talented men and their job titles.
    
13. Be willing to askNothing in your life could create opportunity like a willingness to ask, whatever the situation. Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, you are only working half the equation. Remember that the worst anyone can say is no.
    
14. Balance your fear Mustering the audacity to talk with people who don’t know you often simply comes down to balancing the fear you have of embarrassment against the fear of failure. It’s between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity.
    
15. Treat people with respect Treat people with respect up and down the ladder.
    
16. Be transparent Openness has become a valuable and much-sought-after attribute.
    
17. Make friends Those who are best at it don’t network - they make friends. A widening circle of influence is an unintended result, not a calculated aim.
    
18. Do your homework Spectacular achievement is always preceded by spectacular preparation. Whom you meet, how you meet them, and what they think of you afterward should not be left to chance.
    
19. Be informed about whom you meetIf you are informed enough to step comfortably into their world and talk knowledgeably, their appreciation will be tangible. The idea is to find a point of common ground that is deep and rich. Then you’ll have an opportunity to bond and impress.
    
20. Find out others’ interests Find a way to become part of those things that are of most interest to them, and you will have found a way to become part of their life.
    
21. Don’t eat aloneFood has a unique ability to facilitate conversation. Eating with other people is an effective way to build relationships.
    
22. Organize and manage your information The successful organization and management of the information that makes connecting flourish is vital. If you’re organized, focused, and a stickler for taking names, there’s no one that’s out of reach.
    
23. Make lists Create lists in your own categories (such as potential customers, potential acquirers, etc) that correspond to your goals. When you make such lists, it’s important you name the actual decision makers, and not just an organization.
    
24. Know the most important players in your field To make your goals possible, map the most important players in your field. Write down a list of “influentials” in that field.
    
25. List the people you already know Take time to list the people you already know such as: relatives, current colleagues, people you went to school with, former teachers, former employers, and so on.
    
26. Be flexible in organizing your information The way you organize your lists can be fluid. You could have lists by geographical location, by industry, whether they’re acquaintance or friend, and so on.
    
27. Use other people’s lists to make your listsOne great resource for making lists is other people’s lists. Newspapers and magazines do rankings of this sort all the time.
    
28. Create “aspirational contacts” list Another category you might want to add is “aspirational contacts”. These are those extremely high-level people you want to know someday.
    
29. Just plunge right in to cold callWhen you are about to cold call, your fears will never be completely quieted. The trick is to just plunge right in. Envision yourself winning to win. You have to view getting to know new people as a challenge and an opportunity.
    
30. Be persistent Frequently, people won’t get back to you when you call or write them. You have to put your ego aside and persist in calling or writing. It is up to you to take the initiative. Sometimes, you have to be aggressive.
    
31. Make warm calls Use these four rules for warm calling: 1. Convey credibility: mention a familiar person or institution. 2. State your value proposition: what can you do for them? 3. Impart urgency and convenience: in most instances, the sole objective of the cold call is to get an appointment. 4. Be prepared to offer a compromise: go big at the outset, leaving room for compromise.
    
32. Make the gatekeeper an ally rather than an adversaryTreat the gatekeepers with the dignity they deserve. Never, ever get on their bad side.
    
33. Never, ever disappear In building a network, remember: Above all, never, ever disappear. Invisibility is a fate far worse than failure.
    
34. Work hard to remain visible and active Keep your social and conference and event calendar full. You must work hard to remain visible and active among your ever-budding network of friends and contacts.
    
35. Clone an event You have to work hard to be successful at reaching out to others, but it doesn’t mean you have to work long. Clone an event to save time. You clone an event by inviting all the people you want to meet to join you.
    
36. Have fun Building network should be fun, not time-consuming.
    
37. Share your passions Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationship. When you are truly passionate about something, it’s contagious.
    
38. Emphasize on the quality of time Friendship is created out of the quality of time spent between two people, not the quantity.
    
39. Follow up or fail When you meet someone with whom you want to establish a relationship, take the extra little step to ensure you won’t be lost in their mental attic. Follow-up is the key to success in any field.
    
40. Do your first follow up soon Give yourself between 12 and 24 hours after you meet someone to follow up. E-mail is a fine tool for dropping a quick note.
    
41. Don’t forget to do your second follow-up In a month’s time, drop the person another e-mail, just to keep in touch.
    
42. Spend your time at conferences to meet people An all-too-common misperception is conferences are places to find insight. Wrong. Conferences are good for mainly one thing: they provide a forum to meet like-minded people.
    
43. Be a conference commando Don’t just be an attendee; be a conference commando. A conference commando is prepared in advance with information on who they were to meet, how, and where.
    
44. Give speeches Giving speeches is one of the easiest and most effective ways to get yourself remembered.
    
45. Collect as many follow-ups as you canDon’t be the persons that shadow their best friends the entire conference. Collect as many follow-ups as you can.
    
46. Connect with super-connectors Some people know many, many more people than the rest of us. Such people should be the cornerstones to any flourishing network. Once you become friendly with a super-connector, you’re only two degrees away from thousands of different people.
    
47. Get as many acquaintances as you can Often the most important people in our network are those who are acquaintances. Why? Because our close friends seldom know information that we don’t already know. The more acquaintances you have, the more powerful you are.
    
48. Know people from many different worlds The key is not only that we know thousands of people but that we know thousands of people in many different worlds, and we know them well enough to give them a call.
    
49. Exchange your network with someone else’s The most efficient way to enlarge your circle of friends is to connect your circle with someone else’s.
    
50. Create your own host committees Politicians have what are called “host committees”: group of well-connected people in their respective worlds. If you want more access to a world, see if you can find a central figure within that world to act as your own one-person host committee.
    
51. Build your “verbal fluency” “Verbal fluency” - the ability to confidently make conversation with anyone in any situation - is a common trait among the most accomplished people. “Getting-along skills,” more than anything else, determined who got ahead.
    
52. Be yourself When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the name of the game. One guaranteed way to stand out: be yourself. Charm is simply a matter of being yourself. Your uniqueness is your power.
    
53. Use the power of vulnerability Vulnerability is one of the most underappreciated assets in business today. The power of the vulnerability principle in the art of making small talk is surprising.
    
54. Talk from your heart When you realize the best icebreaker is a few words from the heart, the act of starting a conversation becomes far less daunting.
    
55. Learn the power of nonverbal cuesYou have about ten seconds before a person decides, subconsciously, whether they like you or not. In that short period of time you don’t exchange a lot of words; their judgment is mostly based on nonverbal communication.
    
56. Develop conversational currencyBe prepared to have something to say. Keep up with current events. Cultivate some niche interest.
    
57. Learn to listen One should seek first to understand, then to be understood.
    
58. Always remember the other person’s nameNothing is sweeter to someone’s ears than their own name.
    
59. Be sincereThe surest way to become special in others’ eyes is to make them feel special.
    
60. Try to find out what motivations drive the other person In your initial conversation with someone, try to find out what motivations drive that person. It often comes down to one of three things: making money, finding love, or changing the world.
    
61. Help someone accomplish his or her deepest desiresInitial invitation is just to connect strongly enough with other people to help them address the issues that matter to them most.
    
62. Make yourself indispensable to othersReal power comes from being indispensable. Indispensability comes from being a switchboard, parceling out as much information, contacts, and goodwill to as many people - in as many different worlds - as possible.
    
63. Start thinking about how you’re going to make everyone around you successfulWhen someone mentions a problem, try to think of solutions. The solutions come from your experience and knowledge, and your tool kit of friends and associates.
    
64. Take the initiative to help Don’t wait to be asked to help. Just do it.
    
65. Be a knowledge broker Performing social arbitrage when your financial and relational resources are thin is actually not too big a hurdle. The solution is knowledge. The ability to distribute knowledge in a network is a fairly easy skill to learn.
    
66. Be interested to others’ success You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success (Dale Carnegie).
    
67. Ping all the time 80 percent of building and maintaining relationships is just staying in touch (or “pinging”). Pinging takes effort. You have to keep pinging and pinging and pinging and never stop. You have to feed the fire of your network or it will wither or die.
    
68. Repeat and repeat again Becoming front and center in someone’s mental Rolodex is contingent on one invaluable little concept: repetition.
    
69. Create a rating system One way to make maintaining easier is to create a rating system for the network that corresponds to how often you reach out. For example:1. A “1″ gets contacted at least each month. 2. A “2″ gets a quarterly call or e-mail. 3. A “3″ gets reached at least once a year.
    
70. Integrate pinging into your workflow The important thing is that you build the concept of pinging into your workflow.
    
71. Be personal Always try to make any message as personal as possible.
    
72. Don’t forget birthdays Birthdays should be one of your favorite pinging occasions.
    
73. Get anchor tenants for your dinner parties We all have developed relationships with older, wiser, more experienced people. They are “anchor tenants”. Get them to add a little electricity to your dinner party.
    
74. Be interesting Virtually everyone new you meet in a situation is asking themselves a variation on one question: “Would I want to spend an hour eating lunch with this person?”
    
75. Be a person of content Content involves a much more specialized form of knowledge. It’s your differentiation. It’s the message that will make your brand unique. Have a unique point of view.
    
76. Be relentless in learning and presenting your content What will set you apart from everybody else is the relentlessness you bring to learning and presenting and selling your content.
    
77. Acquire content from someone else’s On some occasions, you can acquire content by simply appropriating another person’s innovative ideas and become a leader in distributing and applying those ideas.
    
78. Develop your own content On other occasions, you have to develop the content from scratch. That means taking all the disparate dots of information and connecting them in a way others have not.
    
79. Get the attention Once a resonating pitch is perfected, getting attention is less of a problem. Simply give the press what they need: great stories.
    
80. Be an expert The easiest route to become content creators is by expertise.Do what experts do: teach, write, and speak about your expertise.
    
81. Teach what you want to learn There’s no better way to learn something, and become an expert at it, than to have to teach it.
    
82. Use stories to communicate your content Powerful content communicated in a compelling story can energize your network to help you achieve your mission. In your stories, use emotion to convince your doubters.
    
83. Have a personal brand A powerful brand - built not on a product but on a personal message - is a competitive advantage. Good personal brands do three things: they provide a credible, distinctive, and trustworthy identity.
    
84. Be distinct or extinct Your brand articulates what you have to offer, why you’re unique, and gives a distinct reason for others to connect with you.
    
85. Focus on adding value To become a brand, you’ve got to become relentlessly focused on what you do that adds value. That means going above and beyond what’s called for.
    
86. Develop your Personal Branding Message What do you want people to think when they hear or read your name? Your positioning message should include a list of words that you want people to use when referring to you.
    
87. Package the brand Looks count, so you’d better look polished and professional. And why not create a personal Web site?
    
88. Broadcast your brand If you don’t promote yourself, no one else will. Like it or not, your success is determined as much by how well others know your work as by the quality of your work.
    
89. Start building relationships with the media You have to start today building relationships with the media before you have a story you’d like them to write.
    
90. Trumpet the message, not the messengerAll your efforts at publicity need to feed into your mission, not your ego.
    
91. Do collaborative writing If you have any writing skills at all, you can get close to almost anyone by doing a piece on them, or with them. By writing collaboratively, you’re expanding your network exponentially with contacts that otherwise might have seemed out of reach.
    
92. Write articles Writing articles can be a great boost for your career. It provides instant credibility and visibility.
    
93. Be a good writer by keep writing To become a writer: “Write, then write some more. When you’re done - and here’s the kicker - keep writing.”
    
94. Go for the big names Are you only connecting with field mice? If you are, start turning your attention to reaching out to the sort of important people that can make a difference in your life and the lives of others.
    
95. Build trust to get close to power Trust is the essential element to get close to power; trust that you have no ulterior motives behind your approach; trust that you’ll deal with them as people and not as stars.
    
96. Join associations There is an association for everything. If you want to meet the movers and shakers directly, you have to become a joiner.
    
97. Build your own club Sometimes all clubs that seemed worth attending have their doors closed. There’s no reason not to build your own. Figure out what your unique selling proposition is, and start an organization. Invite those people you want to meet to join you.
    
98. Be humble Arrogance is a disease that can betray you into forgetting your real friends and why they’re so important. Be humble in your hike up the mountain. Help others up the mountain along with and before you.
    
99. Reach back to your past Reach back into your past regularly to touch base with the folks who have meant so much to you since you were a kid.
    
100. Find mentors Finding a talented, experienced mentor who is willing to invest the time and effort to develop you as a person and a professional is far more important than making career decisions based purely on salary or prestige.
     
101. Learn from many people There isn’t just one special person to be all things at all times. Mentors are all around you.
     
102. Build a successful mentoring relationship A successful mentoring relationship needs equal parts utility and emotion. Utility means promising something in return to your mentor. Emotion means your mentor becomes emotionally invested in your advancement.
     
103. Find mentees As much as you stretch yourself by reaching up, be sure you are stretching just as far to reach back and help others. You can learn so much from your mentees.
     
104. Hold your principles Connecting should advance, rather than compromise, your principles. Your determination to connect with others should never come at the expense of your values.
     
105. Don’t try to balance your professional and personal life Balance is a myth. Real connecting insists that you bring the same values to every relationship. As such, dividing your life between professional and personal spheres no longer made sense.
     
106. Build close relationships How many people can walk into your homes and just open up the fridge and help themselves? It is close relationships like these that keep you well-adjusted, happy, and successful.
     

Just how I came by this I don't know.

Levels of Mastery

LEVELS OF MASTERY:

— Mastery
— Virtuoso
— Competent
— Beginner
— Bull in a china shop

——Spource unknown

Concentration

"Concentrate on what you can do,
not on what others are doing."
---John Wooden

Control

"You've got to control yourself, before you can control anything."

How well do you communicate?

The Top 10 Questions To Ask Yourself About How Well You Communicate

You can also read this TopTen here.
1. How well do I come across?
2. How well do I listen?
3. How well do I articulate?
4. What do I talk about?
5. How well do I converse?
6. How authentic do I sound?
7. How big am I?
8. How mature am I?
9. How free am I of communication 'blocks?'
10. How effective is my communication?

About the Submitter:Submitted by the late Thomas J. Leonard, who cannot be reached at any point or visited on the web. Copyright 2000, 2001, 2002 by Thomas J. Leonard. May be distributed if full attribution is given and copyright notice is included.topten.org is a service of CoachVille.com, the leader in coach training.

Frustration

Why do I write this stuff? Nobody reads it anyway.

Coaching Roles

People hire a coach to: be a sounding board, a motivator, a friend, a mentor, a business consultant, a teacher, a taskmaster, a spiritual guide, etc. They deal with the following issues also: time management, career, business, relationships/family, physical/health/wellness, spiritual, personal, goal-setting, financial, creativity, etc. By doing these things, they reap self-awareness, improved goal-setting, more balance in life, lower stress levels, self-discovery, self-confidence, improved quality of life, enhanced communication skills, better project completion, better health and fitness, better relationships, increased energy, more fun, more income, get over bad habits, change career, more free time, increased profitability, personally empowered, upgrade of residence, etc.

This information is the result of an International Coach Survey of the coaching industry.

God carries us!!

Somehow, mankind has figured that they are at best slave, and not children of God. Hence, they have to carry their god or gods. Not so the God of the Bible; He has chosen to carry us, and it is He that serves, not we who serve Him. We really do serve, but only because He is the example and cause.

Doing it now, rather than later.

Just a note to keep in the pond.

Friend: everybody needs one

This is not original but I think it is important:

I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. they really should get lives.."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said that he had gone to private school before now. I had never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said, "Yes."

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped and said, "Boy, are you gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books every day!"

He just laughtd and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were senior, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctore, and I was going for business on a football scholorship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about beintg a nerd. Had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

On graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates that I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometime I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat and began: "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings and may be a coach... but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully," he continued, "I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I say his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse, God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one anothe in some way.

Look for God in others. "Friends are the angels who lift us to our feed when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, use it wisely.

Gospel is Important

From all the evidence I have: the Gospel of Christ is the most important news in the world.

For Christ also once suffered for sins, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the Spirit.

Losing your customers

Losing Your Customers
By Sinapup

There are lots of ways to get customers to not return. Losing customers, is it a problem? You have to work very hard to chase a customer away. How do you do it?

One way is to ignore to them. Whatever they have to say about you, your company or your service, you don’t hear them. Doesn’t she know that you are busy? You have better things to do than stand about jawing about something. She will just have to wait or come back, when you will have more time.

I heard a while back about a sales associate who told a customer that the store was closing in about ten minutes. When the customer objected and said that he wanted more time, the sales person said, “No, I’ve got to close at 5.” In any case the customer left and from what I heard, he had wanted to make a substantial purchase, in the order of $5000. The sales person wanted to get home to watch the local basketball team play. I’m sorry, but that is not good customer relations and it will never make “raving fans”.

What do you put up with?

What are you putting up with?
By Sinapup

How much energy do you have for living? At the end of your energy, do you still have more day left. We have all noticed how easy it is to get things on our plate. What we are not expecting and what takes up vital energy are the unfinished things in our life. These ignored, unconscious intruders eat up our energies and damage our lives. One of the most serious and most subtle of things is keeping up with what bugs you. Take a moment and consider what it is that you put up with each day. Maybe it’s your car, your neighbors, your spouse, your kids. Maybe it’s your job, or your boss. Maybe it’s the traffic, or whatever. Make a list of all these things that get next to you and eat up your life. You might not have more than a half dozen, but I’m betting that if you really look and think, there are a hundred things you are tolerating. What this will do for you is to make what you are "toleration conscious."

Take this list and put it somewhere you can find it.
Read it once a month.
Awareness + Attention + Intention = miracle

Christian Testimony

I trusted in Jesus Christ as my personal Savior in January 1960. I have followed Him for over 40 years and He has never failed to be all that He promised or to do what He said.

Keeping Your Business

Choose, Lose and Keep Customers

If you are in business you need to have a certain customer base. How do you choose your customers, and what do you do to lose and keep them? There are a number of searching questions you can ask that will help you get real answers to these questions. One, do you know who your customers are? If you run a department store, you are far less likely to know many of your customers individually, but if you are a CPA or an insurance agent, personal relationships are what it is all about. Secondly, Do you know which of your customers are the most valuable? You might need to rank your customer list and find out who uses your services. Not all customers are created equal, yet most businesses treat them the same. Thirdly, you might ask if you have too many customers. How is that possible? I don't think one needs to be rude about it, but if a customer is more of a waste of time than a source of income, dump them. Go after the right customer for you and your business. You will do them more good and yourself too.

Hearing versus Listening

Several years ago in Gresham, Oregon a mall was constructed called Gresham
Station. This is an outdoor mall, where each of the shops looks like a
store by itself. Quite a nice effect, I think. In anycase, one of the stores was
nearing completion. The inside had been finished, the carpeting done and
it was ready to be occupied. One day a young man was observed listening
carefully and intently to the wall from outside the Eddy Bauer Store. As he
was acting somewhat strange many people were curious about what he was
doing. He approached the manager and said, "There's a cat in the wall, I hear a cat." They went outside and listened by getting down on the sidewalk. Soon, they found a way to see the cat, but were unable to get it out. The manager called the construction people and they cut open the wall and freed the cat. One of the employees took the cat home. Can you guess what she named the cat? That's right, she named it Eddy.

Lesson: If we listen carefully, we may hear something no one else can hear
and it might, just might help a great deal.

Living Now

Here is a little poem called “Now”

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation of dawn.
- -Kalidasa

Do you live in the past, with regrets and bitterness? Or, even to live with the happiest moment of your life, in the past. Perhaps you live in the future, always waiting for the arrival of your ship or your whatever. It is not that we don’t have memories, whether good or bad, or that we don’t have hopes and plans, but rather that we don’t take up residence in the past or the future. Today is the day of our life. To live there is wonderful compared to living in the past or the future. If today is not the happiest day of your life, when will it be. Today is the only day you have, use it wisely and rejoice in it.

On Needs versus Wants

Do you have a hidden resistance to a given course of action or behavior when you say, "I should or I need to do _________," For example, I may say, "I need to go shopping." This could very well be true. It could also mean just that: "I need to go shopping." In this case there is no underlying agenda. However, if I should say, "I need to go shopping," and at the same time say to myself, "I really don't want to go shopping," then the need becomes a way of not doing it. " I need to_____, but I am not going to ______." I don't know how this works out for you, but I frequently find that this is how I am thinking. I want more customers, but I don't want the extra effort it will take to get them. I want more money, but I am not willing to extend the effort necessary to get more money.

You make up your own list. It might just help.

Reserves are essential

Reserve is a margin, kind of like the distance between your car and the one in front of you or behind you. It is a safety factor, but more than that it is a comfort and sense of security. Not absolute security for sure, but a welcome one. A full tank of gas is the same thing. In our personal lives, a reserve is a cushion in an account. To have a reserve is to have some freedom from the demands of circumstances or crisis. Consider these areas and ask about your reserves in each: time, space, money, energy, opportunity, love, information, wisdom, self and integrity. There are clearly other areas where you will want reserve and there are numerous ways to get it. If you worry, it may be that if you work on your reserves you would be more comfortable. I recommend that my business clients get a reserve of up to six months or even a year of business income set aside for a reserve in case of some unpleasant event. Personally, that's not a bad idea for each of us.

Power of A Personal Coach

Once in a while someone has a really great idea, an idea which will impact the lives of a lot of people in a really significant way. That is what has happened since the idea of coaching as a way of improving life and work originated.

So what is a coach? One way of seeing it is as a partnership between the coach and the client which results in a focus on the client’s agenda, plans, direction and developing action steps reaching these goals. Usually people have no difficulty with the idea of a coach when you talk about it in terms of athletics. Only slight difficulty occurs when you think of a piano coach, a dance coach, a drama coach. Moving farther in this direction to the business coach or the success coach requires a bit more of a shift. Many people who hire a coach, are already doing well and want a coach to help them do better. Many professional musicians hire a coach in order to improve the quality of their performance. Sometimes it is the development of grace to compliment knowledgeable performance. A coach can help you be your best.
Hiring a coach is an important step in the development of personal and performance excellence

Personal Power

The topic today is "power", personal power. Power enables you to act, to maintain your integrity and honest, and to enforce your standards. You might be asking "What is the source of my power?" "Is it derived from within or from without?" Power is not something you use to control others except to limit their crossing your boundaries. It is not something you use, although you can, to get people to do what you want. It is, in main, the ability to stay in control of your self. It serves to give you confidence and self-assurance, as well as enabling you to do what it is that you want. For the Christian, the source of power is Christ, resulting in self-discipline and performance.

Power also can be in several forms, but what we are discussing here is personal power. It is the ability to influence, impact but not demean others. It is the ability to be fully human and fully humble, without loss of self-appreciation.

As you can see, this could go on, but you think about it and about how you are empowered.

Listening

In her book, Listening: the Forgotten Skill, Madelyn Burley-Allen says that we have three primary ways of listening. First is *empathic” where we listen with our whole being. We are nonjudgmental, focused on the speaker, attentive to the feelings and intent of the speaker. Second, is to listen for information, hearing words, but not making an effort to understand the speaker’s intent, while appearing to do so. The third way we listen is in spurts. We drop in and out with our attention and spend much time just hearing rather than listening. It is often passive and judgmental.

We all use all of these, but often have a preference. At this point self-evaluation is often limited, but I think I use the last two more than the empathic listening. I am getting better and am seeing that when I coach clients, that they are heard this way more frequently. On the other hand, I am somewhat talkative, so I talk a lot to new acquaintances, new friends, and strangers. My listening to my wife is kind of a mixed bag, but getting better.

Listening is a skill worth learning.

“Speech is a joint game between the talker and the listener against the forces of confusion. Unless both make the effort, interpersonal communication is quite hopeless.”
——Norbert Weiner, “The Human Use of Human Beings.”

Responsibility

Responsibility
A few years ago I learned about a principle that has stuck with me over the years. Just recently the idea of being responsible was forcibly brought home to me. Here is the principle: If you are present in any situation you have some level of responsibility for what is happening or has happened. Now that has the feel of over assumption and the sense that you are at fault. But, not so. It merely means that if you are present and something goes down, you are involved whether you like it or not. For all you know, the situation might not have developed at all except for your being present.

What this means for me is that I take the responsibility for whatever happens in my sphere or in my presence. The other day, I was talking to one of my neighbors. He began to back his truck up while we continued to talk. As he did so, he hooked his own mailbox with the passenger side mirror and broke the mirror. I was responsible. If I hadn’t been there, this would probably not have happened. I was not at fault and certainly not to be blamed, as he had made the decision to back up and had done so. If our conversation had been carried on in other circumstances, the mirror would not have broken. So, while I am not blameworthy, or at fault myself, never the less, I was responsible for what happened.

The lesson is that I am in charge of what goes on around me to some extent and that I am willing to assume that responsibility. It means that I don’t distance myself from what is occurring, and that I have choices

I’ll probably get some back talk on this, but that’s what the reality of life is all about. I choose to be responsible for my life and how it impacts what is going on.

An Introduction to Coach Charles

Coach Charles Powell has been a professional coach for about 14 years. His present work is to assist clients in getting what they want out of their lives and work. He specializes in development of a clear vision and a concrete understanding of the client’s present reality. In other words, he assists them in finding out where they are and how to get where they want most to be.

He has a degree in education and advanced credit in interpersonal communication. He is a graduate of Coach University and has been awarded the prestigious award of Master Certified Coach by the International Coach Federation.

He has been a pastor, a policeman, an educator, and an entrepreneur. He has coached hundreds of clients in the past 40 years, and has had clients in Germany, Denmark, South Africa, Senegal and Italy.

Beginning of Blog

Just checking this out. Love wolves, though I have never touched on. Seen them at Wolf Haven, Tenino, WA