Listening

In her book, Listening: the Forgotten Skill, Madelyn Burley-Allen says that we have three primary ways of listening. First is *empathic” where we listen with our whole being. We are nonjudgmental, focused on the speaker, attentive to the feelings and intent of the speaker. Second, is to listen for information, hearing words, but not making an effort to understand the speaker’s intent, while appearing to do so. The third way we listen is in spurts. We drop in and out with our attention and spend much time just hearing rather than listening. It is often passive and judgmental.

We all use all of these, but often have a preference. At this point self-evaluation is often limited, but I think I use the last two more than the empathic listening. I am getting better and am seeing that when I coach clients, that they are heard this way more frequently. On the other hand, I am somewhat talkative, so I talk a lot to new acquaintances, new friends, and strangers. My listening to my wife is kind of a mixed bag, but getting better.

Listening is a skill worth learning.

“Speech is a joint game between the talker and the listener against the forces of confusion. Unless both make the effort, interpersonal communication is quite hopeless.”
——Norbert Weiner, “The Human Use of Human Beings.”

Responsibility

Responsibility
A few years ago I learned about a principle that has stuck with me over the years. Just recently the idea of being responsible was forcibly brought home to me. Here is the principle: If you are present in any situation you have some level of responsibility for what is happening or has happened. Now that has the feel of over assumption and the sense that you are at fault. But, not so. It merely means that if you are present and something goes down, you are involved whether you like it or not. For all you know, the situation might not have developed at all except for your being present.

What this means for me is that I take the responsibility for whatever happens in my sphere or in my presence. The other day, I was talking to one of my neighbors. He began to back his truck up while we continued to talk. As he did so, he hooked his own mailbox with the passenger side mirror and broke the mirror. I was responsible. If I hadn’t been there, this would probably not have happened. I was not at fault and certainly not to be blamed, as he had made the decision to back up and had done so. If our conversation had been carried on in other circumstances, the mirror would not have broken. So, while I am not blameworthy, or at fault myself, never the less, I was responsible for what happened.

The lesson is that I am in charge of what goes on around me to some extent and that I am willing to assume that responsibility. It means that I don’t distance myself from what is occurring, and that I have choices

I’ll probably get some back talk on this, but that’s what the reality of life is all about. I choose to be responsible for my life and how it impacts what is going on.

An Introduction to Coach Charles

Coach Charles Powell has been a professional coach for about 14 years. His present work is to assist clients in getting what they want out of their lives and work. He specializes in development of a clear vision and a concrete understanding of the client’s present reality. In other words, he assists them in finding out where they are and how to get where they want most to be.

He has a degree in education and advanced credit in interpersonal communication. He is a graduate of Coach University and has been awarded the prestigious award of Master Certified Coach by the International Coach Federation.

He has been a pastor, a policeman, an educator, and an entrepreneur. He has coached hundreds of clients in the past 40 years, and has had clients in Germany, Denmark, South Africa, Senegal and Italy.

Beginning of Blog

Just checking this out. Love wolves, though I have never touched on. Seen them at Wolf Haven, Tenino, WA